“Forever 22”
I will say that again….FOREVER 22. Jack was born on the 22nd and died at the age of 22. In many ways he will forever be 22. This is a very complicated tragedy, death and reality to accept. He deserved many more years to live and to grow. He deserved so much more.
I would imagine many of you stopped and paused at those words wondering if you even want to read any further. The loss of a child, a son and someone so young, and the finality of death doesn’t really make for enjoyable reading.
I could go down the rabbit hole of all the what if’s, could haves, should haves and wishes for Jack and his future. There are many. I will save all of that for another time. Sadly, I am learning that none of those will bring him back. Also, none of those are ways to celebrate Jack or a birthday. For today… it is about celebrating Jack and happy memories.
I always tried to make my children’s birthdays special, just as my mother had done for me growing up. Our birthdays were always a day of celebration. A celebration of the person and the happiness and the joy they brought into our world. We all deserve happiness and to be celebrated.
Our family has a tradition of making a birthday cake and decorating it in a fun way every year. When it is your birthday then you get to choose the cake flavor and the theme. The finished cake would then be displayed upon a pedestal. We would sometimes awe at it and sometimes we would laugh at it. The cake always seemed to be the pinnacle event of a birthday in our home. It brought us together, allowed for time of celebration and a time of love and wishes for our future.
Jack and I often enjoyed the same choice in cake: a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and M&M’s gently placed between the layers. The birthday boy or girl would always receive the first piece and we would enjoy laughter with wishes made on candles sparkling, singing “Happy Birthday” and sometimes catching cake decorations on fire as we enjoyed this special moment together.
Last year it was just Jack and myself home on his birthday, March 22nd. We still celebrated with the same grand cake tradition. Though, with Jack turning 22 on the 22nd we stepped it up a few notches and found a candle that sparkled, sung and practically melted the cake and the kitchen down all in one. We laughed so hard and Jack was so happy and felt so loved and optimistic. I am grateful we had that day and that memory together. I am grateful for all the birthdays and the days, laughs, hugs and conversations we shared. I am so grateful that I was chosen to be his mother and he will always be my son.
Today, Jack would have turned 23. I will miss him forever and wish he were here to celebrate this day and many, many more. I have really struggled with how to spend today. It is the hardest day yet. While my heart is broken, I would like to celebrate him for who he was and all that he offered us in his 22 years. I would like to celebrate his kindness, his humor, his intellect, his sense of adventure, his laughter and his hugs. He deserves to be remembered and celebrated.
While Jack is not here to celebrate in person this year, I choose to celebrate him and begin to merge the bond between what was (his life) and what will be (the future without him). This isn’t easy and hurts beyond any pain I have ever felt.
May we all celebrate Jack and all our loved ones that are no longer here with laughter, kindness and loving memories. May Jack live on through our actions of kindness, empathy and compassion.
Always be Kind and Never Give up Hope.
Mindy
#Forever22