Dignity, Compassion and Respect

There oftentimes is a mark of disgrace associated with those who struggle with mental health and substance use disorders. A dishonor as to who the person truly is. Often these misbeliefs and falsehoods is perpetuated by those who don’t understand the disease at all.  This is also oftentimes referred to as “stigma”. 

The ignominy of a disease is not a kind or fair way to treat those afflicted. We all deserve basic respect and compassion no matter our circumstances. After all, we are evolved humans and we all have our flaws, weaknesses, unexpected ailments and challenges. We all deserve respect and dignity and we should certainly not be shaming anyone regardless of their circumstances.

It was not that long ago that it was common practice to physically contain those suffering with certain diseases in asylums, institutions and colonies. Eventually, the idea of containment evolved into treatment. Thankfully, we have come a long way since the practice of isolation which was rooted in ignorance, fear and shame.  

We should not be physically or emotionally isolating or ignoring any population for their illness. We certainly would not be shaming those with other more understood diseases in this way. We should not be shaming anyone struggling from mental health and substance use disease. We should be helpful and supportive. We should be compassionate, respectful and willing to learn more about what we don’t know or understand.

When my son, Jack, was receiving treatment at a local hospital I was overcome by my thoughts and feelings of how he was sometimes perceived and treated. At times, I was also treated in a judgemental way. During one of his many visits, I sat in his ER room protecting him, overseeing what treatment was being suggested and advocating for him as he was very ill and vulnerable and couldn’t do this for himself in his condition. What complicated his situation was that he had a medical condition AND he struggled with a history of mental health and substance use disorder. Was he getting fair and reasonable treatment or were his medical issues being excused because of his other illnesses? Yes, it was complicated but isn’t looking at the big picture and figuring things out a part of any job? Especially for those in the medical field. 

While sitting with my ill son in his hospital bed; worried, alone, hurt and upset I started to write down what I was feeling.  I recently found that piece of paper with the following words I had written to describe that and the many other visits: 

Hurtful, harmful, cruel, ignorant, traumatic, judgemental, worthless, not a choice, shame, humiliation, isolating, not believed, not heard, avoided, ruined, grueling, troubled, dismissed, ignored, not looking at the whole picture, false perceptions. There was also the ego of the doctor- Their ego was more important than the patient lying in a bed in front of them. They were too lazy to figure things out and it was easier for them to just assume things. 

After writing down the negatives of how I was feeling, I then also wrote down what I felt Jack and other patients deserved: patience, knowledge, determination, care, intuitive thinking, understanding, compassion, curiosity, thoughtfulness, persistence, kindness, hard work, self-awareness, discovery, realization, will, grace, strength, A greater understanding, information, empathy, sincerity and attention.

We all deserve better and to be treated compassionately. Especially when we are vulnerable and sick. The word “respect” is often referred to as “esteem”. When repeatedly treated with no respect how do you think one’s self-esteem may suffer? What if we treated everyone with the same compassion, respect and kindness we show those fighting other illnesses? Imagine the difference we could make in the lives of others. We all can do better. Keep learning, keep opening your mind and your heart to other scenarios. Think outside of the box and know that not all situations are as they appear. 

It is complicated…yet it is simple….keep an open mind, be willing to learn and ALWAYS BE KIND! 

Mindy