The Year in Review…"Firsts” Become “Seconds”

As 2024 comes to a close, I reflect upon the first year in its entirety since my son, Jack’s passing from Fentanyl poisoning. This year I continued to endure more “firsts” that then quietly are turning into “seconds”. While “firsts” and “seconds” and all the numbers to come are hard, the reality is memories, triggers and emotions can come at any time.  Life continues to move on for those of us here on earth. For those of us grieving like myself, it is mostly about going through the motions on a day-to-day basis without the same purpose we once had. It is about trying to survive and live when a big part of us is feeling so hurt, lost and empty on the inside. It is about making sense of it all and finding ways to move forward. It is about watching others move on and live with hope, joy and happiness. I remember those feelings, before loss, and encourage you to celebrate every joy you encounter with contentment and intention. It is those celebrations that create memories for you to hold on to no matter what you may face in the future. 

A loss like losing your child isn't a loss of a relationship that can be forgotten, abandoned or replaced. It is a loss that leaves you grieving the past, the present and the future. It is continuously navigating the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance as you learn to live your life without someone who you expected to outlive you. It is not getting stuck in any of these stages of grief but feeling them and allowing them to move through you as you continue to learn to live your new normal. It may take a lot more work to be able to “accept” as I navigate from the “firsts” to the “seconds” and beyond. That is okay. This is my journey and mine alone as only I had the unique honor of being Jack’s mother and only he and I shared that special bond and relationship. 

Moving towards acceptance is about living in the present as best I can and looking at today for those in my life who are still here; my daughters, family, friends and my dog Max. It is about finding peace within myself. This year has been about redirecting myself and filling the energy I innately have to help and teach. It has been about pausing when I need to pause and taking things at my own pace. It has been about growing, learning and honoring. Just being able to even suggest the acceptance stage of grief is a lot of growth from last year. 

I have found ways to honor Jack this year by launching the initiative:  www. Inspiredbyjack.org and starting an Instagram “InspiredbyJack22” to provide resources and education to those seeking help. 

I have helped others who are navigating similar circumstances through one/one help, attending events for overdose awareness and sharing my story through publications like the Mental Health of America annual newsletter. 

I met with the coroners office, police, detectives, health care workers and other professionals to collect information and learn more about the facts, circumstances and resources to hopefully help others who may face a similar set of circumstances. 

I learned I am one regular person, a mom looking for answers. I don’t have the same arsenal that Matthew Perry and/or Liam Payne's family have to get justice or answers. 

I remembered Jack on his birthday by making cupcakes for the EMTs and firefighters at the local fire station who repeatedly came to my home through the years to help Jack in medical emergencies. 

I released balloons on the anniversary of Jack’s death at the time he passed and ascended up to heaven. 

I did more this year than I thought I could. It is time for me to look to the new year and see where it takes me. 

As the year comes to an end, I hope that Jack is at peace and proud of how I am trying to honor him and keep his legacy alive by being kind and educating others. I hope that others will benefit from learning about the risks, the struggles and the reality of mental health and substance use diseases. 

I look forward to starting the year by teaching my first class at Grow Modern Mental Wellness and supporting others as a family advocate.

 May we all go forward into the year seeking opportunities to grow as humans in our understanding of others, finding peace and living life versus just surviving. May we all extend kindness to others, never give up hope and learn acceptance. 

Thank you for all of your support this year. I have appreciated your kind messages, words of encouragement and donations to keep Inspired by Jack going. Thank you to Jack’s friends who have sent photos of him and messages of funny things he did. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 

Fondly,

Mindy Goff McCabe